At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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