All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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