wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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