Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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