so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
