i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
