I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
