she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
