thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
