I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
