I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize