if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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