WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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