I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
