Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
