i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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