Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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