I love black thongs
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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