I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
