I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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