the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
