Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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