3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
