Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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