how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
