So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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