only if we run a train.
done.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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