So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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