Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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