ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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