she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Are we still banned from the library?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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