remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
