i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
