If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
