the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
