FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
