I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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