If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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