you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
