Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
be right there i have to get my cape
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize