Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
