and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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