that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
