i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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