Your face is a jimmy john
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
