So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
