If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
