i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
