so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
