Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize