All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
