I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
