I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
