i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
