I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
