Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
