I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
