Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
