I think I died a long time ago.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
